tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post6400110888333147934..comments2023-12-26T03:55:24.907-05:00Comments on Speaking in Foolish Tongues: The Point of VectorsTWFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06016277303703254572noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-75929813475787847622012-11-18T18:22:12.403-05:002012-11-18T18:22:12.403-05:00Yeah, I don't envy the extra challenge you hav...Yeah, I don't envy the extra challenge you have there, <b>Zoe</b>!TWFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06016277303703254572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-8246346170580489742012-11-18T16:19:45.658-05:002012-11-18T16:19:45.658-05:00Some of us have an excellent memory and in that se...Some of us have an excellent memory and in that sense healing, recovery, moving on . . . a lot of work. :-)... Zoe ~http://secularwings.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-5820181431581312032012-11-17T10:51:43.922-05:002012-11-17T10:51:43.922-05:00I hear you on the poker thing, Grundy. I'm su...I hear you on the poker thing, <b>Grundy</b>. I'm sure you've got more cards under your belt and up your sleeve than I do, but I've gotten some bad beats myself. The frustration can be blinding for the rest of the game.<br /><br />I suffer from the same blessing of poor memory. :-)TWFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06016277303703254572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-5330990226905258582012-11-17T09:35:11.279-05:002012-11-17T09:35:11.279-05:00Reminds me of poker, as much does. There are times...Reminds me of poker, as much does. There are times when you can do everything right and still lose a big hand to someone who gets a lucky card after the betting in complete. This bad beat can affect how the player plays the rest of the night. Sometimes it can last longer then that. This blemish causes the player to go on tilt and lose far more then the loss of the single bad beat.<br /><br />I except that bad things happen both from external sources and due to my own failures. If there is something to learn, learn it, if not, move on. It is all we can do. I'm lucky to have an awful memory so it is easy for me. :-)Grundyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07339125862340793733noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-42393030542091489602012-11-13T09:58:47.699-05:002012-11-13T09:58:47.699-05:00Thanks for the comment, Sabrina. You raise some g...Thanks for the comment, <b>Sabrina</b>. You raise some good points, but some of them do not reflect what I was trying to say. That's probably my fault, because I tried to make the post short, so everything isn't fully explained.<br /><br />We're definitely not robots, and I don't think that it's a binary operation to let history be history. It's not like flipping a switch.<br /><br />However, we have more control over our thoughts than we realize. It's not absolute control, but we can change our thoughts. Just think of a pink elephant for a moment. Thought control becomes easier the more often we exercise it.<br /><br />I'm not advocating either suppression or rationalization. I am simply advocating letting go of that which hinders us. For example, if someone bumps into on the sidewalk, but just keeps walking and does not apologize, you have the choice of whether or not to let it go, by not thinking further about it, or cling to it, by revisiting how rude that was or possibly even confronting the stranger about it.<br /><br />Now, if we take an event with more impact, like if we consider an abusive relationship which has now ended, fundamentally the same options apply. We can let it go and keep ourselves open to finding real love, or we can cling to that hurt, and build a mental wall to prevent ourselves from loving that deeply to thereby prevent ourselves from being hurt again. If you choose the latter option, you have to continually remind yourself to keep the barrier up. You have to choose continue the narrative.<br /><br />You're right that emotion doesn't always follow reason, but that's not what I was suggesting. I mentioned logic because, as in the abuse example above, there is some logic behind putting up that mental wall for your own protection. In a way, leaving yourself open to new love defies logic, but ultimately it can be the most healthy path overall.<br /><br />I'm also not advocating dismissing history in the sense of not learning from it. But there is a difference between learning from history, and letting your history define your future. As in the example of the abusive relationship, you can learn the signs of an abusive relationship, and thereby break off a relationship if it gets risky, or you can instead erect a wall between yourself and love.<br /><br />And, yes, change will not be instantaneous. Even as the vector diagram suggests, when you choose to let go, you will still be in close proximity to the path you were on. You'll be close enough for the emotional echos. But as you allude to, time does heal, and it heals even quicker if we play an active role in changing our course, because we diverge from where we were faster than if we just plod along and wait for that healing to come.<br /><br />At least, that's my opinion. :-)<br /><br /><br />TWFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06016277303703254572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-68079369826627360712012-11-13T00:30:54.609-05:002012-11-13T00:30:54.609-05:00It is true of course that when we acknowledge a ce...It is true of course that when we acknowledge a certain emotion derived from a certain experience leads us to make choices that are bad for us, we can work on that. But I do mean what I say: work. Time. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4482791619320478550.post-74077687745856631512012-11-13T00:26:27.002-05:002012-11-13T00:26:27.002-05:00You know, this sounds very logical and I know it w...You know, this sounds very logical and I know it works this way to some extent - but not entirely. We are human, not robots. We can't just dispose ourselves of our emotions when they're in the way. Sometimes the hurt or anger or love or [fill in the blank] last longer. <br /><br />And we can always rationalize and try to put things in perspective, but we remember. Not only mentally, also emotionally. And the time it takes for an emotional memory to wear off depends on the intensity of the emotion when it was experienced. <br /><br />Plus people's way of dealing with it, of course. One can dwell and one can try to move on. One lives a happy life and one lives a bitter life.<br /><br />But what I'm trying to say is, I think it's more complex than this. I think we need to take a couple of things into account when discussing the issue of "getting over things":<br /><br />*) Emotion does not always follow reason.<br /><br />*) We hang on to memories, and a lot of the time not voluntarily. A color, environment, smell, face, tune, etc., can bring up memories and these memories are often emotionally charged. To change the emotion attached to a memory would require cognitive therapy. <br /><br />*) Our experiences and the emotions these bring make us who we are. We not only suffer from it but we learn from it too. So by rationalizing all the hurt or anger or [fill in the blank] we lose part of our identity.<br /><br />*) The emotions that usually keep on straining us in our future relationships, employment or entire functioning are of a severe nature and require some form of therapy. If they're not that severe, we get over them by ourselves. Time heals wounds.<br /><br />You do acknowledge these destructive emotions can be hard to let go but you encourage people to let things go because they are history.<br /><br />I think it doesn't match human psychology to let things be history simply because they happened in the past. We're not robots, and I mean that respectfully. I'm only saying there is no on- and off-button. Either time heals, or therapy heals. Or people heal.<br /><br />But rarely logic. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com